happy thanksgiving, carie.

i got to sleep in this thanksgiving. and i get to spend it in larche… unfortunately a whole 2,500 miles away from my family. i went downstairs to lots of merry making around the island in the kitchen, a beautiful table setting, a “tree of thanks” hung on the wall waiting to be decorated with the gratefulness of 30 people, a huge turkey in the oven, a hug from my good friend kate…i went downstairs to my family. i walked into my friend caries’ “nook” where she sits many days in the quiet of her personal and beautiful space. i sat down with her, admiring her cute thanksgiving outfit and the smile on her face. and i just said…”happy thanksgiving carie!” and this feeling came over me, quite strong and powerful – this feeling that this moment was full, and it held so much for the both of us. so many thoughts and emotions rushed through me. i thought of my family and all of the pictures of food and togetherness they have sent me already today, i thought of choosing to be with them or choosing to be in larche – and how difficult that is for me, i thought of carie and her life here…all 20+ years without “family” in the traditional sense of the word. i felt an overwhelming sense of honor, to be with carie on thanksgiving, and what a gift that was to my life. and i said to her…”i choose you, carie. i choose you.” to which she responded with her huge and beautiful grin and the intentional blinking of her eyes, which is her way of saying “yes.” here i sat with this beautiful woman who has taught me so much about trust and patience and forgiveness and gentleness and just “be-ing”. a woman who has never known family in the way that i have and still do. living with her now “family”…a lot of whom get to choose to leave and be with their own families for holidays such as this… and the ones she is in the company of when it’s all said and done are those who have chosen her. and all of the possible feelings of regret and “missing out” on time with my family that was happening across the nation as we sat…completely disappeared, and peace to be exactly where i was totally covered my entire being. what a gift to tell carie happy thanksgiving. what a gift to be able to choose carie. what a gift to be with her and to see her joy on this day, knowing that she is loved, and that she has been chosen.

i am so grateful.

life in anawim house.

“where the heck does allison live nowadays, and with whom?”
+ L’Arche Tahoma Hope – Anawim House.
+ E 45th street, tacoma, WA, to be exact.
+ aka “the city of destiny” and “the evergreen state.” where it is always green [and grey].
+ more specifically, i live in a larche community. in our community there are four homes…three of which are together in one location along with our main office and our farm, in the southernmost part of tacoma. i live in Anawim house, which is set apart by about 7 miles from main campus, and only about a mile from downtown tacoma. we sometimes refer to our house as “the island.” which presents opportunities and challenges.

Anawim stats:
- huge and old – 2 stories, 14ish bedrooms, and a full basement.
- it originally functioned as a convent in the olden days.
- it works well for the 9 of us who sleep here, 11 who live most days here, and all the others who stay over and stop through due to all of our extra bedrooms. it is sometimes referred to as “hotel anawim.”
- i live with five core members (three men and two ladies) and six live-in assistants. two of our assistants are long term so they actually “live out” and come in during the day. we have five female assistants and one male.
- all of the core members in our house are generally from the area, one is originally from hong kong. all of their families/guardians live closeby.
- the assistants in anawim hail from vermont, ohio, tacoma, canada, the philippines, and florida.

” ‘Anawim’… ‘L’Arche’… so what?”
“we are people with and without developmental disabilities, sharing life in communities, belonging to an international federation. mutual relationships and trust in god are at the heart of our journey together. we celebrate the unique value of every person and recognize our need of one another.”
“our mission is to make known the gifts of people with developmental disabilities, revealed through mutually transforming relationships; foster an environment in community that responds to the changing needs of its members, while being faithful to the core values of our founding story; and engage in our diverse cultures, working together toward a more human society.”

“but what do you really do every day?”
wash dishes. mop floors. go to meetings. get out of the house and have fun! (i.e. church, fro-yo, library, park, shopping, dr. appointments, you get the idea). fold towels & napkins. fold more towels & napkins. talk in metaphors. tie shoe laces. administer medications. have dinner guests. assist to shower/shave/brush/toilet. sing songs. say prayers. clean rooms. advocate. write daily logs. balance checkbooks and money ledgers. brush teeth. make appointments. sit on the couch. go to the bank. mend clothes. read books and watch movies. make breakfast, lunch, dinner – and eat it together. build relationship. recycle. make crafts. “create home.” empty trash. wipe counters. clean bathrooms. make tea. walk the block. swim. “check in” each morning. laugh, tease, joke. redirect. be present to one another. “gab gab gab” around the kitchen counter.

and other tidbits…
- it takes me a lot less time to run my cell phone battery out these days…because i don’t really have it with me or use it much for most of the day.
- im very in touch with my body. our bodies tell us a lot.  a lot of my day has to do with bodies. i’m around a lot of bodies. and a lot of people who don’t really care what you think of theirs…or what you think of what they do with it. we take our bodies with us everywhere. our bodies are aways changing and causing us trouble and frustration or making us laugh. bodies are smart. bodies are funny. bodies bodies bodies.
- bodily functions/waste/fluids don’t really phase me as they once did. everybody poops.
- my bedroom is my favorite place on the planet. i’m in it as much as i possibly can be in my scarce “away time.” i like to keep it super clean. it’s quite cozy, calm, me, and covered in photos. if ive taken one of you in the past couple years…your face is probably on my wall.

- random dance parties, animal noise competitions, maniacal laughter, “fluffing”, radios playing in multiple rooms, doors slamming, and nudity are a part of the everyday here.
- i live across the hall from my hilarious, intelligent, hard-working, sneaky, and extremely capable new friend. and she sometimes thinks she’s a cat. but not really. but sort of. ok, most of the time.
- there is an entire language in larche which you start to realize the longer you are in it. i’m starting to speak in larche. hopefully i can still relate to the outside world and be understood with this newfound lingo.
- mount rainier is my back yard. i mean…it’s about a 2-hour drive, but it doesn’t feel like it when you see it. when the sky is clear enough… i get to see it whenever i want. THAT is pretty wonderful.
- tacoma is a pretty great city with a lot to offer. lots of local flare and much value placed on supporting local. it’s growing on me. if only i had more time to go check it out. i do enjoy the farmer’s markets, art museums, parks, waterfront, and a couple of chill bars (especially “red hot,” which has vegetarian hot dogs! yum!). i look forward to frequenting more local coffee/tea places and the local indie film theaters.
- im officially a tacoma cyclist. “i bike tacoma” – just like my sticker says. i love it. i love my bike. i love the freedom to go wherever. i can get to the furthest parts of tacoma in under an hour. the location of our home is fairly central which i am thankful for. and thank goodness for rain pants. i have invested in a red blinky light, gloves, helmet, and u-lock. next on the must-have list for biking in the pac-NW: fenders. it is so stinking wet. and it will only get wetter.
- it is very rare that i eat a meal alone these days. i like that a lot.

- we eat well here. i cook dinner once or twice a week for usually eight or more people. im really enjoying learning to be creative in the kitchen and how to cook for a lot of people. the other assistants i live with rotate cooking meals as well. we are getting the last of our beautiful and scrumptious CSA (community shared agriculture) from our larche farm where a bunch of the folks work. two people in our house are employed and/or volunteer there…pretty cool that most days, they get to eat food they saw from seed to harvest.  we also get eggs weekly from our chickens on the farm…whom we feed our food scraps to. it all comes full circle. i love that about our life together here.
- “house money manager” = me. i am responsible for the personal finances of 5 people. no big deal. aaaaaahhhhhh. it’s going quite well thus far. no huge mess-ups. it just takes time. i get a lot of satisfaction from things that make sense and balance out and always coming up with a solution or answer. i think im going to like being money manager. also, my introverted self gets to be alone in the office listening to pandora for a few hours a week. that’s a nice change of pace.
- “community council member” also = me. i am now a part of a group of eight folks who meet twice a month and talk about the bigger picture stuff of our life together as a community. i’m looking forward to being in the presence of these rad people regularly and playing a role in our bigger story together. 
- there are so many deeper parts to life in larche. learning about your own disabilities. learning gratefulness. learning to listen…to really really listen. learning about your needs and gifts and “growth areas.” one word: community. i feel that i am getting more settled into what the day to day looks like…and i hope to be more open to really see the deeper parts of what we’re living here. i see that i have so much to learn and so many areas to grow in…

the hardest part…
“balance“…it is a myth. there is no such thing. especially in regard to life in larche.

a friend here told me today…”when you say ‘yes’ to larche, you say ‘no’ to a lot of other things. except you don’t really know that you’ve said ‘no’ to anything until you move in…”

im finding that this is true. life in larche demands a lot of each of us. for me, right now, it’s mostly time and presence (emotional, relational, etc.). so i am learning. and i am grieving the time and presence that it is taking from the other parts/people of my life – while still holding them [you] close and lovingly in my heart and my days and my story. one morning i was “checking in” with the long-term assistants i live with…trying to express how badly i want the people i care about to understand larche, and to understand my life in larche. they both laughed and reassured me that this is impossible. i can dream.

overall…
i am grateful to be here. i am surrounded by some really amazing people. i am challenged daily to love myself and to love others…regardless of our ability or disability – and to celebrate both in us all. i laugh a lot…a lot a lot a lot. we have a lot of fun. we are a family, with all of the joys and disfunction that go along with it. i have some really sweet, intentional, and caring friends here. many aspects of my geographic location and transition into life in larche are really challenging for me. im trying to not be so focused on “my future” and “what i want to be when i grow up”…and just be content and present where and with whom i am…trusting that it’s right and good and true for me for right now.

we’re all pretty strange creatures, you know?
some of us just hide it better than others.

our community leader once said…
“life in community will give you the opportunity to comfort, and to be made uncomfortable.”  

uuummm…yep. it’s doing that!

school of the heart.

this little piece of art has spoken deeply to my heart lately. in the area of life direction/aspiration…i’ve needed some heart-speaking-to.

it’s really difficult and hurtful to feel like a disappointment to people that you love. to feel like where you are or where you’re headed isn’t enough, isn’t beautiful, isn’t worthwhile, isn’t acceptable, even if for no other reason other than that it’s part of YOU and your journey.

my housemate and “soul sister” molly shared with me tonight while holding back tears: “when you’re at larche and when you’re talking about larche…i don’t see the hurt and struggle in the other parts of your life. there’s something about you that comes alive in a really beautiful way. and there’s NOTHING wrong with that.”

she said it. it is what it is. i don’t have a 401k. i don’t have savings. i don’t have a 5-year plan. i don’t have furniture. i don’t have a husband or a family of my own. i’m a $500 plane ticket away from most of the people i know and love. it’s grey and cold and depressing here. i make didly squat in the way of financial compensation. but despite its mystery and potentially illogical nature, there’s something about my life and it’s direction and it’s peace that just makes sense in my soul…even if it makes no sense at all to anyone else.

where i am and what i’m doing and why don’t make me an awesome person. i have plenty of selfish motivation for a lot of what i do in life. i’m not saving the world…and i’m not out to. im no saint in my own doing. i just ended up here and i’m trying to do what feels right in my spirit…even if it hurts and makes no sense. and i think i’m in a good place.

here…we love each other and eat each others cooking and say it was good. some days i get to cut folks hair, go see a movie,  shred paper, have a drink at starbucks, shop for food, make art together, make coffee together, eat meals together, walk around the mall, sing songs together, or lie on a blankets in the grass surrounded by empty wheelchairs. other days we have dance parties, go for walks, watch little house on the prairie and charlie brown and barney, bake bread together, have some great laughs in the bathroom, look ridiculous in public because it doesn’t really matter after all, yell and push and kick and scream cause we don’t get what we want, or we hold each other tightly and cry because our brains and bodies aren’t working like we want them to and it’s frustrating.

those things may not be impressive to the CEO of a major company. they may not land me any kind of great insurance. they may not make me very “marketable.” but they are invaluable to me. and they make sense to me. i’m presently a student at the school of the heart. and that is just fine with me. it is enough for me. i am enough.

“may we be set free from the tyranny of believing that we are what we do.” 

inundated.

that’s how i feel since i’ve moved here. completely inundated with new information, people, ideas, experiences, and challenges. it is good. it is hard. it is a blessing. here’s a tip of the iceburg…

<3  community. it’s hard. you have to work at it. you will get from it what you put into it. openness is so crucial. you can’t ignore conflict or pretend that it doesn’t exist, that makes things miserable for everyone. you have to be very intentional about solitude and silence in community. it can be a very holistic way of living life. i value so much about life in community and hope to take much from this experience into the next season of life.
<3  faith. it looks different for everyone. you can’t put it in a box. there are so many unique and beautiful expressions of it. the power and grace of God are much bigger and more mysterious than i’ve always given him credit for. i think heaven is full of surprises.
<3  anxiety. “anxiety is God’s gift to you to say that what you’re putting your hope/faith in is not powerful…not enough…not working out…it’s not him.”
i’ve been doing a lot of learning and seeking as to what in my life brings me anxiety and why. my conclusion has been that when i feel out of control, i become anxious. (re: relationships, illness, future, situations, experiences, etc.) also, when my hope and confidence are rooted in temporary and worldly things instead of Christ, i will be let down, worry, and not be at peace. how do you find inner peace when everything around you seems to be chaotic and loud and out of control? i don’t have the answer. but i am sure seeking it.
“you keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”  isaiah 26:3
<3  mental illness/challenge. i don’t really know where to begin on this one…other than that i feel like i’ve learned a ton in the past seven months, yet i feel as though i know hardly anything about it. it is heartbreaking and beautiful. it’s a mystery…one that the more we research and learn about, we realize how little we understand it.
<3  presence. being fully present emotionally, mentally, spiritually is so important. it is the only way to truly experience people, moments, life. otherwise, you are cheating those you are with and whatever it is you are experiencing. if my thoughts are consumed by so-and-so in such and such place…or about august and what it holds…then i am virtually in those places/times with those people/things. and i am not HERE, NOW. i am learning that my presence in moments is a way to love and live more fully. I have a desire to be everywhere with everyone at all times. this is not possible. i am one person. i can not do it all. i can not be all things to all people. i am not called to be.
<3  larche. it has taught me so much. and i believe it has so much more to teach me. it is my community of friends. i miss them when i am not with them. they bring me life in beautiful ways.
<3  long-distance relationships. these are very hard to maintain. you have to be really really intentional. i fail a lot. i miss a lot of people. thankfully, i have the opportunity to talk to and see loved ones a lot. (thank you, skype)
<3  grace. “the grace of God means something like: here is your life. you might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you. here is the world. beautiful and terrible things will happen. don’t be afraid. i am with you.” - frederick buechner
grace is where freedom lies. in a society where you have to work for everything that you get…earn and measure up and prove…grace is a foreign concept. i am no exception to the difficulty in understanding this beautiful gift. grace has been given to me, and it is mine forever. i didn’t and don’t deserve it, but it’s mine. i don’t have to work for it. i don’t have to work for it. i don’t have to work for it. his mercies are new every morning. i am free from guilt.
“may we be set free from the tyranny of believing that we are what we do…”
<3  identity. this one is huge for me lately. i’ve been learning so much about identity. who/what i identify with and why. what that says about God, allison, and how i think of and love people and this world. identity is so important.
<3  vocation. [call]  [direction]  [force of attraction]
“there are things you do because they feel right and they make no sense and they make no money and it may be the real reason why we are here: to love each other and to eat each others cooking and say it was good.” – brian andreas
the ideas encompassed in this saying have weighed heavy on me this year. i am very far away from all of my family and the friends i have had previous to this season. yet, i believe i am where i’m supposed to be.

about the northwest…
<3 it’s wet here. all the time. you can’t just sit in the grass at a park…even if it hasn’t rained in a couple of days, it will still be wet. moss grows on everything…houses, sidewalks, trees, cars if you leave them for too long…you name it, green, spongy moss probably grows on it.
<3 people here don’t generally assume you are a certain way or believe certain things. and you can’t assume anyone else is…there is quite the array of people in these parts as compared to the good ol’ bible belt.  most people are quite open to the possibilities of you, who you are, what you hold inside, and what you believe.
<3 everyone here recycles. EVERYONE. it’s really great. also there is an opportunity to recycle at most public places. and a lot of disposable materials are made recyclable or compostable.
<3 i go on walks to meet up with friends. lots of people here go on walks.
<3 there are a lot of parks. lots of trees. lots of tall trees…tons of evergreens.
<3 it’s generally grey here. supposedly as of a week ago we had had 6 days of sunshine in the past 150. it’s still regularly in the low 40′s all day. it doesn’t generally rain very hard here…just a often. we don’t have thunder and lightening storms. it’s just grey. grey grey grey.
<3 there’s a really cool sense of the importance of community here.
<3 people here don’t really have accents…and they notice when you have one.
<3 the outdoors are very important to a lot of people here. everyone has outdoor hobbies and whenever there is a nice day…EVERYONE is outside. i love it.
<3 most days i can’t see rainier…even though it’s so close that on a clear day i can see it from my bedroom window. however, most days you can catch a glimpse of the smaller cascades. that’s pretty amazing thing to be a part of my daily routine.
<3 it’s no florida…but it has its charm.

larche.

so i worked at this beautiful place in the southeastern woods for five years right. it was more than great. i loved being there. before i actually lived there…it was this feeling of coming home every time i pulled in the drive. i went to a staff reunion there one year over christmas break and my roommate at the time thought it was very strange that i would drive all the way to tennessee from florida just to be at this place with these people for a couple of days. then she worked there for a summer. and then she understood. and then she went to the reunions. it was just that kind of place. the kind of place with the kind of people that you are a part of once…and then you just always go back. you can’t help it, and you can’t explain it to people. it’s home. and it’s part of you.

currently i work at this place in a northwestern city…and it’s really beautiful. i realized this week that lots of people are always coming back…i think that’s a good sign.

so larche (where i work now) is this amazing place with a lot of really amazing people. really amazing. it’s a place where people of all gifts and difficulties – the seemingly strong and the seemingly weak – do life together. each strong and each weak in their own ways. each bringing their own strengths and challenges to the table, meeting there, and breaking bread. going shopping, changing briefs, dancing, listening, watching barney, taking our vitamins and medications, eating meals, laughing, sitting, playing, doing laundry, holding hands, holding each other, getting mochas, having tickle fights and playing thumb war. people doing life with people. it’s that simple. and did i mention that it’s really beautiful?

some of us struggle with selfishness and pride. some with behavior and walking. some of us talk too much and some of us wish we could speak. some struggle with putting our clothes on, overeating, toileting, yelling, motor skills, remembering, eating our food, wetting the bed, bathing ourselves, saying our prayers, and getting from point a to point b. and then there are others who have a really hard time with practicing gratefulness, kindness, giving of ourselves, being fair, patience, understanding, openness, child-like joy and faith, dancing skills, trust, peace, and knowing how to have fun.

the folks in our community are skilled in compassion, empathy, patience, love, comedy, grace, service, love for life, theatrics, passion, joy, fun, care, laughter, art, intention, hard work, prayer, adventure, sillyness, hope, perspective, and forgiveness.

see…we need each other.

ya know those moments in life that happen…and when you’re in it you feel really alive and like it belongs in a movie, and you just want to capture it and save it forever and replay it over and over again because it was so special? i have moments like that every day at larche. little glimpses of beauty and grace and love that are so precious and picture perfect that they can’t be repeated or explained…only lived, remembered, and cherished. i feel very blessed by this. lately i feel…that i don’t know what i did to deserve to meet these people, do life with them, spend time with them, and laugh and cry and play and eat and work and dance and struggle and joy with them…but i get to. it’s really beautiful, and i am overwhelmed with gratefulness.

i love what i get to do. i love this place. i love these people. i am very thankful.

 

today i rode a bike.

and it felt real good. even when the rain started to fall on me.

rando’s…
- i cut my hair today. hopefully it was a success. my hair is shorter anyway.
- i made a sweet new friend. i’m really thankful for her.
- get to see my new niece in 5 weeks. along with the rest of my family. what a lovely week that will beeeee.
- running is happening again. running needs to happen. running is challenging alone, in the rain and cold. running will continue…
- it’s a beautiful thing to be known deeply by someone. and to have them in your presence…even more beautiful. i miss that.
- love is crazy.
- i miss college and all those peeps.
- future possibilities are endless.
- today is all we’ve got.
- life overwhelms me very easily. i wish it would stop doing that.
- went to a conference all day today on human trafficking. i am re-inspired and encouraged and challenged to continue to pursue however/wherever it is that God created me to fit into this crazy world.
- also i met a bunch of franciscan nuns and plan to be their new best friend. hang-outs with the sisters to commence soon… these ladies kick butt.
- everything is spiritual.
- journaling = really good.
- a sweet sweet family at Soma (church) has somewhat adopted me and i couldn’t be more excited or grateful!
- beer pong is not my idea of fun.
- i am an old woman and everyone knows it.
- watch out for thrift stores on veterans day…they like to have 1/2-off sales.
- 1st thanksgiving away from family/deland…comin’ right up. it makes me sad to think about…but i am excited to do it up with the mandela house kids.

some things i’m realizing more and more every day…
1) i’m really blessed. like really really blessed. a lot of people care for me and show that care in beautiful and thoughtful ways. sometimes i just sit and think of the people in my life…and their kindness…and it just baffles me as to why  God chooses to bless me so.
2) i am an alien in a strange land. i don’t fit in…and i shouldn’t. if i am a child of God, then this world is not my home, and it shouldn’t feel like it. that’s tough. but really beautiful, and super rad to know that this isn’t IT!
3) a life lived for Christ should look radical. it should be radical. it should pose challenges. it shouldn’t be easy. his life wasn’t. and if it is…if i’m real comfortable…then i should probably mix things up a bit, sacrifice more, listen more, think of myself less, and get a little more uncomfortable.

on community…sustainability…etc…
i have failed miserably thus far it seems. or so it feels, anyway. after fall retreat last weekend in the beautiful hills of oregon, i am realizing the potential this year has, and how easy it would be to let it pass me by without challenging myself, working hard, and getting vulnerable (among other things). so here’s to trying harder and being more intentional!

we did have fall retreat. it was a rejuvinating time for my soul to be in the woods for 5 days. i really miss the woods. the job has had it’s ups and downs…it’s been a challenging time, but i can’t get over the Father’s faithfulness in my life. his plan is flawless and so above me. i mean, the dude hung the stars for goodness sake. things aren’t only going to be ok, they’re going to be great! and he’s revealing that to my eyes and my heart.

on blogging…
hopefully i’ll get better at it… <3

it’s community.

it’s new to me. it’s giving up pieces of myself. it’s a really beautiful way to live. it’s not always easy.

it’s taking others into consideration a lot. it’s not turning the lights on to get ready in the morning. it’s a family. it’s wearing earplugs in order to sleep. it’s laughter and it’s frustrations. it’s treating your grocery money like it’s someone else’s money…because it is. it’s playing your music quietly. it’s being a part of the bigger body. it’s sacrifice. it’s cooking for more than one. it’s openness, acceptance. it’s dying to self. it’s living by example. it takes time. it’s intentional. it’s doing dishes that aren’t yours…and with a joyful spirit. it goes against the norm. yet, it’s very organic, sustainable and seemingly natural. it’s “us”, instead of “me.” it’s support. it’s leaving the last cookie. it’s sanctification. it’s not always what we choose. it’s a lot of sharing. it will look like the energy you put into it. it’s learning grace. it’s beautiful and it can be ugly. it’s ups and it’s downs. it’s opportunity and connections. it’s differences…and embracing them. it’s boiling more than enough water and making more than enough rice. it’s communication, in all its various forms. it’s patience. it’s a really neat way to experience life. it takes our eyes off of self. it’s a process. it is good. it is an opportunity. it is a blessing.

“the mountain is out!”

yes. the mountain was out today. mount rainier that is. that’s what everyone around here calls it (“the mountain”)…and that’s what we say when it’s a clear enough day that it is actually visible. and i can see it from my bedroom window…it’s pretty epic. days like today are special.

 

some things i am learning…

<3 when you can see blue sky (no matter how much of it)… it’s a beautiful day in the pacific northwest!

<3 i am an introvert. (i am probably the most introverted of everyone in my house)

<3 my pride hinders me from loving others as they deserve to be loved.

<3 now is all we have. now is urgent. now deserves grace…no matter who is inside of our now. now is precious. now is a gift. don’t take now for granted.

<3 i really hate a messy kitchen. a messy kitchen can easily put me in a bad mood. clean environment = happier allison.

<3 living off of [hardly any] money is hard. but its doable. and kind of fun because you are forced to be creative…and you just do without sometimes. but my needs are met. so have i really “needed” all that other stuff all along?…

<3 i really really really love to sew and to create things in general.

<3 i am insanely blessed. a lot of people love me for some reason. i don’t get it. but i’m grateful.

<3 i am crucified with christ. it is no longer i who live but christ who lives in me. the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the son of god, who loved me and gave himself for me.

<3 life is full of opportunity.

<3 i will not be content to live a life doing anything other than what i was created to do to serve christ and love. maybe this year he’s showing me more of what that will look like…

 

some things i am seeing…

so these are sweet little wild flower chimney sweep looking creatures that live in mount rainier national park. which by the way is out of this world…but in it.

 

ladies and gentlemen…meet: the mountain. pictures don’t do it justice. it’s freakin huge. i’m talkin…if you squint and turn your head to the left a little…you can see what is really a massive waterfall in the bottom left corner of this photo. epic. monstrous. beautiful. huge. massive. incredible. ok you get it…

 

these are two of my favorite people on the planet. they bring me much joy each day. this was a dance sesh to close out a weekend retreat we had. love them. teaching me so much.

 

and here is the family. we had a commissioning ceremony at the church next door and all our bosses and the local support community and lvc folk were there. we kind of dressed up. it was fun. this is on our front stoop.

 

the city. seattle, that is. from gasworks park. and my friend ben who came to visit from alabama…and his friend joseph, a seattlite. seattle is a great city. a really great city.

mandela.

so each LVC house has a name…most having something to do with workers of justice, or big thinkers/dreamers…movers & shakers of history. ours is “Mandela” after mister Nelson. it is owned by the church next door and used to be its parish…named “Bethlehem house.” so we’re just really confused over here. but it’s lovely. it’s old and cute and has been lived in but kept up really nicely. i love my house. i am very thankful for it.

so there are 4 bedrooms, 1 downstairs and 3 up. the boys share the room down, girls, up. molly and alayna have their own rooms and rachel and i share. it’s a great setup thus far. mike knocks on the walls every time he comes upstairs…i think he’s afraid of us. we also have a sketchy basement where mice live and flooding happens and couches sit on wooden pallets and laundry is done and bicycles are stored.

side view: (my room is the upstairs side window)

view from our front porch: (Albertsons parking lot. lovely, i know…we get some pretty great sunsets, though) that sweet ride is my transport to/from work. the Farm van. you’re jealous…i know. molly and i carpool with the jesuit volunteers each day and larche provides the van. it’s a pretty sweet setup.

living/eating room: (and alayna playing the piano)

great great kitchen and cute cute molly making some hummus:

cute back yard complete with garden and a sweet tree for climbing (i know this from experience):

aaaaaaand mine and rachel’s room.

so that’s the tour of the mandela household.
more on washington, mount rainier, larche, simplicity/sustainability, and new-found biblical community soon and very soon. thanks for stepping into a piece of my new little world.

you should come for a visit. <3

awkwardly long vacation…

the church search:
bleh.
i’ve been to 2 so far…1 could be promising, i haven’t given up in it…but i’d like to hear some scripture in a teaching…not an essay speech.
I’ve never really had to church search…they’ve always kind of fallen in my lap in awesome ways. today i’ve been checking out the worldwideweb…AWKWARD!
the first website i went to said: “Where Jesus goes to church…” are you serious!? FINALLY I found the place!!! come on people…for real!? after that i found tv show churches and awkward podcasts that sounded more like a theatrical play and websites with pictures of church buildings that made me want to barf.

church! why is it so weird!? why can’t we just get together and worship and fellowship and serve and love? why do all of these other insignificant factors have to come into play and distract us from Him…

God…please help me to find biblical community.

being present in WA:
when all i’m thinking is that, i’m going to miss…
Graham’s college graduation
Darby Jean’s birth
New Maxwell baby birth (gender/name not known)
Thanksgiving with my family for the first time
Taylor’s first year of college
All of Caleb’s sporting events…
friends. family. a year of fellowship with those i know and love.

i keep thinking about my presence here. i think it would be really easy to keep good communication with everyone i know and love “back home” in all of my spare time. however, it would probably be at the cost of missing out on so much here for the next year.  not that i plan to lose touch with those in the east…but that i need to find balance…

God has me in Tacoma, WA from August 2010, until August 2011. I may never be here again in my life. this life may not extend to tomorrow even. but it’s easy for me to want to live in yesterday. because i know yesterday…we’re familiar, close, intimate, and comfortable. i am finding it challenging to balance yesterday and today. to find the worth and fleeting nature of the reality of this time and place and the opportunity and beauty therein. i don’t know that i will find a perfect balance. but i am thankful that i am aware of the danger of losing this next year to the nostalgia of what i have left behind. it will be there when i return…it will just look different. but that’s ok. this world is not my home. and even if it’s not there when i return…that’s ok too. everything’s going to be ok.

I look around and a lot of the times think to myself..“this isn’t home. where am i? what am i doing here? who are these people? where are my friends? this is an awkwardly long vacation…when do i get to go back?…” not in a depressed or negative way…just in a genuine confusion and disillusionment. however, it is a good reminder of how this world should be foreign to me…and is not and will never be permanent. as long as i am away from my Savior, i will not be home. i am a nomad.

i am learning about home. i am learning how to be present.

what i am learning from living in community:
my time is not my own.
my space is not my own.
my food is not my own.

i am not my own.

so i have lived alone in a 2-story, 2-bedroom cabin in the woods for the past 2 years. i have learned much “independence” and how to be alone. I think it NOT a coincidence that I have been reading blue like jazz upon my transition into Washington and LVC life.  particularly…the bit on community. it is rich with conviction…

don miller on living alone…
“when you live on your own for a long time, your personality changes because you go so much into yourself you lose the ability to be social, to understand what is and isn’t normal behavior. there is an entire world inside yourself, and if you let yourself, you can get so deep inside it you will forget your way to the surface. other people keep our souls alive, just like food and water does with our body.”

on living in community…
“if we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus.”
more to come on community…it is beautiful. <3